Daisy Content

Whining on facebook about your ex's only makes you look immature. And I'm so fucking sick of hearing about it.

Dear Past Self,

Why do you suck so much? Honestly, I feel like all I do lately is clean up your messes. Why didn’t you write that paper? You knew about it for a month. An entire month. And what did you do? You waited until the last minute and made me do it. You always do that. You leave your clothes on the floor, knowing I’ll have to clean it up. It’s the same with dirty dishes. Seriously, you’re only a little bit younger than I am. There is no need for you to behave so childishly. Also, can you stop it with the popcorn? You know it makes me sick. And perfume, too. We’re allergic. We will still be allergic, no matter how much you buy. You’re wasting your life—our life. You should be doing something productive, but instead all you do is play video games and write pointless letters to yourself.

~Present Self

There is no such thing as sexy sweatpants.

Facebook,

I don't need 500 condoms, even if they are free. Thanks for looking out, though.

"It’s a feature of our age that if you write a work of fiction, everyone assumes that the people and events in it are disguised biography — but if you write your biography, it’s equally assumed you’re lying your head off."

— Margaret Atwood

I hesitate to write parents who are abusive or absent because I worry that people will think that its based upon my own parents, when in fact the opposite is true. My parents are amazing. I don't mind much if readers decide that all the characters are me or Jesus in Purgatory,* but I worry when it comes to deciding they are based on other people.


*And another thing, why is Jesus even in Purgatory? If He can't get right into heaven, there's no hope for me, is there? I mean, His dad freakin' owns the place!

I'm going to put this on here and facebook, because facebook eats my notes. So, 25 things about me.

( ... )

9 things people might not know about you:

1. I think it would be cool to get a snakebite piecing, like this:

2. But I would chew on it and it would get infected and gross. I chew on everything.

3. I'm really bad at these things. I don't think I'm really interesting.

4. I used to be really snobby about the books I read, but I'm trying to stop.

5. I eat napkins every chance I get.

6. I love comics, and desperately wish I could draw so that I could do some.

7. I take anti-depressants.

8. I have more friends this year then I have ever before. :)

9. I'm quite good at painting.

This is the story I wrote for ontd_creepy:

Almost every neighborhood has a hoarder. They may have trash in their house, piled high, or, in a much sadder case, they may hoard animals. We call these people crazy cat ladies, and are generally horrible to them.

Before I was married the first time, I lived in a town with the worst animal hoarder I had ever heard about. This woman was extremely elderly, and she had not aged well. You could see every bone in her hands and the skin was peeled so tightly on her face (and almost all you could see of her was her hands and her face). I was cashier at a Wal-Mart during this time, and she would come in periodically. She was not a pleasant woman, she would snap at us with strange orders to pack only certain things together, and the orders changed each time.

( I Was Born A Ramblin' Man )

My dad was forced to get a new phone number (this isn't as good a story as it sounds) recently. And there was the typical wrong numbers that come with that. I swear our whole family gets more wrong number then is normal. He would get calls for John*. Apparently John was kind of a jerk, and my dad gets angry calls/texts occasionally from John's exes. Turns out it was a John Tucker Must Die kinda situation, where all these women found out John was dating the lot of them. John quickly changed phone numbers, leaving my poor happily married dad with all these women demanding to know why John cheated on them. Luckily, my dad's name is not John.

*I considered changing his name, as I will with most people I eventually talk about, but I figured it's common enough, and I don't actually know the guy, so meh.